Pursuit of Happyness

“If no one told me who I was, who would I be?”

I found this question in Wayne Dyer’s book, Excuses Begone!, and it made me realize I’ve forgotten how to answer that question.

I knew my journey when I was just six- years-old, sitting in a corner of my living room that I had turned into an “office.” It was actually was a space that was about four-feet wide, located between the piano and the fireplace. I had created a small bookshelf by stacking a few of my favorite books (Little Women, Charlotte’s Web, Stuart Little), a legal pad confiscated from my father’s office, and a ball-point pen bought with my allowance at the local Thrifty’s store. This was where I did my writing.

 I wrote plays about picnics with bears, as well my first seventeen page novel (front AND back!!) about a young girl adopted by bears when her family was killed in a car accident. I apparently had a real thing about bears, much like author John Irving who references bears in almost all of his novels (World According to Garp, Hotel New Hamphsire, Last Night In Twisted River). The difference between John Irving’s bears and mine is that his were brilliant, magical metaphors while mine were, simply, bears.

Anyway, I loved to write, and invested many hours in my poetry. Reading some of that poetry years later,  I think I believed rhyming made up for a total lack of content, a problem I’ve seen in years following with many mediocre poets.  I still remember my very first poem:

Church bells are ringing, grownups are singing,

Hallelujah, Hallelujah.

The grass so green, the sun’s great beam,

Hallelujah, Hallelujah.

Children are playing, trees are swaying,

Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah!

I guess I ran out of ideas at the end and just threw in an extra Hallelujah, and my preacher’s kid influence definitely showed, but give me a break. I was only six years-old and I remember writing that poem while sitting on the toilet. I know, too much information, but it was the only quiet room in the house. The point is I knew at the age of six that I wanted to be a writer. Somehow, somewhere, I lost my way. I started accepting other people’s messages and reformulating my journey. I heard  things in my childhood from well-meaning family members like:

• I think you’d make a great attorney; it’s what I always wanted to be (mom)
• You’re a natural born teacher (dad)
• Don’t fall into a stereotypical female role (aunt)
• You’re a slob (older sister)
• You talk too much (little brother)

All of those messages (minus my older sister and younger brother that were technically correct) were meant to encourage me, but they unintentionally led me away from my purpose. I went to college intending to become an attorney (mom). I decided senior year to become a teacher (dad), and ended up going into sales roles because they were dominated by men and I liked the challenge (aunt). I think I learned from each part of the journey, but sometimes we need to wake-up and pay attention to messages that are well-intended but misleading, like: 

• It’s important to have a lot of stuff
• You need to be in a job where you can move up
• You aren’t very good at ___, what makes you think you can do that?
• People who do that don’t make any money
• Our family just isn’t made for that kind of work

We incorporate these messages into our psyche, and suddenly we’re working at a bank rather than teaching. Or, maybe we’re teaching rather than working at a bank. 95% of our brain is made up of the subconscious that has incorporated these messages and made them our own belief.

 Here’s the good news -today, we can break those old beliefs. Starting now, we aren’t going to accept the excuses we’ve built up in our mind that keep us from doing what we’ve always wanted to do. We are going to look through our life lensmade up of a different set of beliefs that will dissolve our false self with its tone of excuses and its limitations. Starting today, I want you to answer this question and think about how you can act on it:

“If no one told me who I was, who would I be?”

Do it. No limitations. No excuses! The following speech given by Will Smith’s character in the movie “The Pursuit of Happyness” based on a true story written by Chris Gardner sums it up beautifully.

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