Results of “No Fear”

This week our topic was “No Fear,” meaning that those who follow me on Linkedin, twitter and Facebook were asked to spend the week facing one small fear per day. I tended to do really small things, like bravely asking a woman who had cut in line at Arbies to please move to the end of the line. Of course I didn’t say it that nicely, but I said it and she did it. Cha-ching!

Others had more dramatic impact. One follower actually shared that this week she was in a head-on collision, but instead of swerving to the left (which she said she normally would have done) she swerved to the right calmly. She said she kept repeating to herself “no fear, no fear, no fear” and it kept her calm and rational. In her words, “No Fear saved my life.”

Other followers expanded schools in a tough economy, started diets, confronted critical relatives, and contacted that client by whom they were intimidated. It was a great week of behavioral change, built on our previous weeks of “No Complaining” and “No Excuses.”

Here’s some other discoveries during my week of “No Fear”:

• Some fears need to be left alone, like my fear of crickets. I decided to try and pick one up in my garage, but it jumped on me and I fell backwards over my carton of Cokes and hurt my already damaged shoulder. Crickets stay on my fear list.
• Most fears come from subtle messages given to us throughout life. Things like “You’ve never been good with people” or “You’ve never been the bravest soul.” We tend to believe whatever is repeated enough times. Don’t believe the messages. You are good with people and you are the bravest soul; somebody else isn’t and they’ve projected that fear onto you.
• Fears cause things to seem larger than they really are. Remember the big monster in your closet that seemed so real and looming until you turned on the light and it immediately went away? No Fear is our willingness to shine the light of our own courage on something that goes bump in the night.

 My biggest discovery was this – people who are bullies are the most scared of all. Whether they attack you in meetings, or stab you in the back, or make cutting remarks about your weight at the family reunion, bullies are terrified. They don’t believe in themselves, so the only way they can feel bigger is by tearing down those around them.

Don’t believe their ruse, and don’t let them make you feel badly about yourself. Confront them calmly, shine the light of decency and acceptance on them and they will implode. Bullies are like vampires; they can only exist where it’s hidden and dark. Surface the behavior and it’s like exposing the vampire to the sun; those behaviors will burn up before your very eyes.

 Try a week of No Fear and see if it works for you. I might even try the cricket trick again – just in a room with more carpet and pillows and less concrete.

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