Taking the Punch Out of Fear
By: Donna Highfill
23. Aug, 2010
To those of you who have been following our change journey together, we’ve spent the last three weeks following three signposts:
1. No Complaining
2. No Excuses
3. No Fear
Why are we talking about this change trifecta? Because, as Scott Peck said in the first line of The Road Less Traveled, “Life is difficult.” Positive perspectives make a huge difference in how we handle life, but sometimes we need a little punch, a little feistiness, to make it through. So, today, we’re going deeper into No Fear with a specific action. This week we’re going to eliminate the What Ifs. Yesterday while I was out, I listened yesterday to a series of conversations (my daughter would call me a creeper), and in a very short period of time I heard the following:
- What if I buy all of these DVDs and then don’t exercise?
- What if we don’t sell our house?
- What if my stomach hurts because I have some weird cancer?
- What if I stop smoking and start eating more?
Here’s the amazing part – each one of these individuals was either stressing out over something that might never happen, or predestining themselves to fail. If you buy a DVD and say “What if I don’t exercise?”, odds are you’re not going to exercise.
When facing What Ifs, I always remind myself of one thing – our bodies don’t know the difference between what is imagined and what is real. That’s right. If you face a rabid dog while jogging, your heart will pump blood faster, you will work up a sweat, and your muscles will tense up, prepared for the fight. If you are sitting in a nice comfortable hotel conference room, and I take you through a visualization where I simply suggest you confront a rabid dog while jogging, guess what? Your heart will pump blood faster, you will work up a sweat, and your muscles will tense up, prepared for the fight. The same physical reaction.
So can you imagine how exhausted you must be at the end of a series of What Ifs - since your body keeps reacting to the threat of an unknown assailant. This week, set up a What If jar. It can be a basket, or a waste basket. Every time you say What If? write it down and throw it away. Let it go. Then do something amazing.
My biggest What If over the last forty some-odd years has been about becoming a writer. While I’ve spent twenty five years writing training and developing tools, my creative side has suffered. My unknown was always: What if I can’t make any money writing something beyond manuals and tools? What if my writing isn’t any good?
Well, this week I’m allowing no What Ifs, so it’s the perfect time to move forward boldly with my writing career. I’m going to do the following this week:
- Offer my services on-line as a writer of blogs. Any company that wants to create a blog but needs a writer for it each week, I’m their woman.
- Escalate the pace of the two books on change that I have in the works.
- Start a personal blog that will allow me to write about more than just change.
I’m actually relieved that I don’t get to ask What If? this week. I’m just going to do it. Sometimes life isn’t easy, and we get hit, and we start to hide. And the more we hide, the more comfortable we get in our hiding place. Today, come out of that hiding place. Face the world, eliminate the What Ifs, and move forward without fear. Listen to Rocky Balboa - he knows what he’s talking about!
Ding-Ding, start your round with your What Ifs. My money’s on you!
Author Info
Donna,
I had seen FEAR outlined as an acronym years ago which I thought was very apropos to your Change message about it. My experience has been that fear results from ego based unfounded expecting, or anticipating, of future events which generally either don’t happen or, if realized, are not the magnitude that we originally were concerned about. The solution is to stay in the present (NOW) and not let our ego based insanity run amok which is definitely easier said than done.
I have found that acronym and a few others that support the above as well as how we often use “fear” to keep us from action:
FEAR:
False Evidence Appearing Real
False Expectations Appearing Real
Face Everything And Recover
False Emotions Appearing Real
Failure Expected And Received
Future Events Appearing Real
Finding Excuses and Reasons
False Expectations About Reality
Frantic Effort to Avoid Reality
Hope you are having a special day,
Myles
Myles: Thank you – these acronyms are all perfect!
I love “frantic effort to avoid reality.” I think we could also say fear is the “Frantic Erasing of All Reason.”
Donna
Excellent piece! And I’ll not even think, “what if I can’t follow the advice.” Good, good stuff.