An acorn fell on an unsuspecting, nervous chicken. Unaware that it was an acorn, Chicken Little decided it was something much, much bigger.

Henny Penny: “Where are you going, Chicken Little?”

Chicken Little: “Oh help! The sky is falling!”

Henny Penny: “How do you know?”

Chicken Little: “I saw it with my own eyes, and heard it with my own ears, and part of it fell on my head!”

Henny Penny: “This is terrible, just terrible! We’d better hurry up.”

Most of us remember the rest of the story. Chicken Little and Henny Penny run into Ducky Lucky, Goosey Loosey and Turkey Lurkey, who join forces to tell the king about the bad news, until they run into Foxy Loxy. Foxy Loxy sees the absurdity of their fear and a very nice dinner just waiting to be cooked. He leads them to his den and they are never seen again.

To avoid the Foxy Loxy’s of the world and keep change moving in the right direction, watch for these warning signs:

Telling a “big, bad story” before the facts are gathered.
The acorn was just an acorn, but Chicken Little, in her overreaction, told herself a story that created such fear half of her feathers fell out. The stories we tell ourselves are powerful. Our bodies react to them, because they are our interpretation of the event. Once we tell ourselves a terrifying story, our body goes into fight or flight and we find ourselves exhausted and vulnerable. Pay attention to the stories you tell yourself, and make sure you have the facts to back them up!

Spreading a big, bad story based upon someone else’s perception.

Henny Penny at least asked the question, “How do you know?” but failed to dig any further. Too often we are eager to pick up someone else’s bad news and run to the next person with it. I can’t tell you the number of corporate initiatives I’ve seen killed on the back of  a big, bad story that spread like wildfire and was equally destructive. Sadly, these stories are rarely true.

Focusing on big, bad stories keep us from focusing on the right things.

When our energy goes to “What ifs?” and “Did you hear?” statements, all of the energy we could put into creating success is depleted. Rather than celebrating our great strides forward, we become vulnerable to the conniving manipulators who feed off of other people’s fears. They wait in the shadows, like Foxy Loxy, ready to pounce and take over once everything falls apart.

In fact, sometimes it’s the Foxy Loxy’s that start the rumor in the first place, just so they can swoop in, clean up, and grab the initiative for themselves!

Change presents a lot of unknowns, and it’s easy to become a Chicken Little as our hearts pound and the nets that used to catch us disappear.

Great change warriors, however, know that courage is at the heart of what they do. Great change warriors avoid the Chicken Little Syndrome by doing the following:

• Check validity of fear by digging deeper into any situations that are described in grandiose verbiage, hinting that “the sky is falling.”
• Immediately communicate any misinformation that might be causing Chicken Little behavior. Sometimes “the sky is falling” is simply “nobody’s talking to us so this must be bigger than we thought.”
• Stay focused on the positive actions. Change warriors rarely find the time to circle up with Henny Pennys or Ducky Luckys to discuss what is falling. Instead, they discuss what is being built.

“Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain!” ― L. Frank Baum, The Wonderful Wizard of Oz

I’ve used this literary reference more than any other during my many years of speaking. Why? Because every single one of us has a curtain that we keep shut to protect the very vulnerable parts of ourselves.

I see it all the time in business:

• The blustery male, talking tough as he pulls the curtain on his own sensitivity to others’ feelings.
• The verbose female, who pulls the curtain on insecurity about her own knowledge by talking non-stop.
• The condescending leader, who stays behind the curtain, pulling levers and delivering sarcastic one-liners while panicking that some day he might be revealed.
• The loud manager, speaking with authority while terrified that her lack of knowledge might be uncovered.

You would think that we would all save ourselves time and energy by being who we are in the business world, but we’ve been beaten down too many times to risk it.

We pull levers to create an image of ourselves that is tough, and dominating, and unbreakable. Because somewhere along the way we were hurt by a co-worker, a leader, a principal or a teacher. Someone took us down, and let us know that we’d better hide our hearts behind a curtain.

The sad thing is that the best part of us is no longer seen at work. We’ve created an industrial environment filled with cold, hard facts; a land where, too often, people are endured while spreadsheets are worshiped.

We become corporate-bots, memorizing scripts and mouthing catch-phrases that we verbalize without energy. We attend meetings where the same facts are delivered in even greater detail but no original thoughts are gathered. We go home each day feeling exhausted and empty.

I suggest we reconnect with our hearts, come out from behind the curtain, and take risks in the name of passion.  We need to give voice to what our heart is saying in meetings, rather than saying what we believe is “right” or “acceptable.” Maybe people will mock us at first, because the color commentary will stand starkly against a gray, industrial setting. But do it anyway.

Some of you are probably thinking, “Great advice, but I really need my job right now.” I’m not recommending that you scream at the CEO or curse at a co-worker. What I am saying is that you put energy into your presentation and thought into your comments. Stop running on auto-pilot, assuming you can’t make a difference.

So many people have told me that family is where you heart belongs, not work. But try spending 75% of your life in an environment that you don’t care about. It kills the soul.

Maybe our hearts don’t have to be put out on the table in every meeting and with every colleague, but occasionally we have to bring it out from behind the curtain so that people will see our humanity and trust us.

I say we should go home tired, while knowing that we put passion into our work.

I tend to agree with the Tin Woodman:

“Oh, I see;” said the Tin Woodman. “But, after all, brains are not the best things in the world.”

“Have you any?” inquired the Scarecrow.

“No, my head is quite empty,” answered the Woodman; “but once I had brains, and a heart also; so, having tried them both, I should much rather have a heart.”

― L. Frank Baum, The Wonderful Wizard of Oz

I remember a woman I worked with years ago who drove me crazy. She came to meetings and dominated them with her constant talking. She joked around when she should have been serious.

I made her my number one topic, determined to get her to change these annoying behaviors by talking about her to others.

Then something happened . While I  focused on her flaws, she started adding value to coworkers and leaders by providing good work. People began to respect her and the contributions she was making.

Meanwhile, I continued my obsession. I am sure I looked like the crazy lady on the street corner with uncombed hair, a big coat and flailing arms, ranting about my coworker while others just tried to get their job done.

After a few friends shared their concern about my obsession, I stepped back and took a more objective look at the situation.  During that time of reflection, I realized why my co-worker drove me crazy. She dominated by talking . . . just like me. She joked around too much . . . just like me. The things that drove me craziest about her where the things that I didn’t really like much about myself.

Author and behaviorist Martha Beck says the following:

Everyone makes comments about other people from time to time, but those who focus on one topic continually, irrationally, and inexplicably are often describing themselves. When someone seems unduly preoccupied with a certain flaw in others, it’s time to do a once-over to see if it’s taken root in Mr. or Ms. Obsessed. 

And the Mirror Replies . . .

If you have become fixated on someone else’s flaws, remember this:

• The very person you’re obsessed with is not obsessed with you
• Each time you rant about this person you scare others a little bit more
• This might be a lot more about you than them

Each time something in a coworker or leader or family member makes you a little crazy, take a look in the mirror. Bravely ask that mirror . . .

Mirror, mirror, on the wall,

Who’s the most obsessed of all?

The answer might just be, “YOU.”

Once I identified my issues with this coworker, I focused on changing those behaviors in myself. Amazingly, when I became happier with myself, I was no longer frustrated by her.

And changing me was a lot easier than trying to change her.

Have you heard about the customer service technique of pretending that  every customer you serve is your grandmother? It’s a technique built upon the assumption that you like your grandmother, and it teaches employees to treat customers as human beings with needs rather than walking annoyances that keep interrupting their lives.

I would like to suggest that we implement the same approach with internal colleagues. I never cease to be amazed at how kind people can be to individuals outside the organization but so cruel to their fellow employees.

I remember one job I had in my twenties. Our training group was being introduce to our new manager who was a new brainiac from Chicago.  He started out by asking me to make a pot of coffee before even introducing himself.  I proceeded to go to my office feeling humiliated and a little murderous. He didn’t get his coffee.

On his first day, he gathered all of his minions in a room to inform us, in case we didn’t see the resumes stacked on his desk, of how highly educated and brilliant he was. The fact that he stood and promoted himself with his zipper down and shirt-tail sticking out was the only thing that saved us from walking out the door en masse. The humor was totally worth the pain.

Six months later, the brilliant savior was escorted out by Human Resources. He might have been brilliant, but he had no people skills. He should have unzipped our hearts rather than his pants.

When leading others, remember the following:

1. To get to the brain you must first travel through the heart. People process first through emotion. How many times have people said, “Rationally, I know why this is the right thing to do. But there’s something in me that is keeping me from getting on board.” That something is the heart. It grabs on to change first and lets go last.
2. Every heart has been wounded and seeks to protect itself. Human nature is human nature, even if it’s in a suit. Don’t be fooled by professional environments and board rooms. Sitting around the table is the kid in sixth grade who as bullied on the playground, the new kid who ate lunch by herself for a year, or the high school girl whose heart was broken beyond repair. The only way you’ll get them to follow you is to touch the heart that has been wounded in the past.
3. Real stories of real experience break down defenses.  Nothing says “I’m human and we’re in this together” faster than a story. If you’re new to the job, talk about the time you stumbled during a presentation. Humanize yourself. My “leader” did it unintentionally with the zipper incident. However, when he realized it was down he told us it was a psychological test to make sure we were paying attention. Flush. Ruined his opportunity.

People are not widgets. They have families, and dreams, and hopes, and wounds. You don’t have to coddle them, but you do have to acknowledge the heart. If you don’t, you might find yourself being escorted out the door without coffee and with your zipper down.

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I’m sitting at my computer on a beautiful day, when the Beatles/Badfinger song “Come and Get It” comes on. I knock over my water and my yogurt in a frantic effort to skip the song on my Pandora station. I immediately feel nauseated and think that I might not hold down the yogurt I have eaten.

Why in the world would I have a reaction like this to a song from the seventies?

Because that song played on my alarm clock every morning when I was in junior high school. We had just moved from Southern to Northern California, and I had left behind a school full of friendly faces. My new school was in a very wealthy area, and my hand-me-down, Southern California clothes didn’t make the cut.

I walked down the hallway on my first day accompanied by my mother. I had on a pair of white Levis with tulips all over them that were a little too short for me. They were a big hit in my old school, and there my friends overlooked the length because none of us had much money.

On this day, in this school, I heard kids laughing at me. One beautiful young girl walked by in her designer jeans and said, loudly, “nice pants.” Everybody laughed.

My heart sank, and while I laughed with them, I wanted to get in the car and run back to my old school.

That first year was incredibly difficult. Our new church didn’t have a parsonage, so we had to rent a small house from a member of the church that was miles from the school. My mom would drive us to school, and those thirty minutes would be my last moments of happiness until the bell rang at 3:00 p.m.

Because that song was a huge hit, it would play in the car on the way to school. It makes me remember how I felt when we’d pull up to the front of the school. My stomach would churn and my legs would resist getting out. I remember the lonely lunch period where I would try to find a place to sit that was inconspicuous. Until I met my support system of friends, each day lasted a lifetime.

The next year something miraculous happened. My acne cleared up, I got a babysitting job and bought new clothes, and my braces came off. Suddenly, I was cool enough to be in school. But the pain of that first year never left me.

Why should we be kind rather than cool?

• Our behavior comes back to us.
• Those who might not be part of the “in-group” could be your smartest players.
• Isolating others destroys your team.

Pay attention to your own behavior. Is there anybody you’re not having lunch with because they don’t seem to fit in with others? If so, call them up for lunch. They might have fascinating ideas that could add tremendous value.

The pain of being mocked or isolated never goes away. I think the memories have left until “Come and Get It” comes on my Pandora, and my 51-year-old hand frantically searches for the mouse so I can forward past it, and my stomach churns all over again. Today, be kind – not cool.

It’s a bit embarrassing to have been concerned with the human problem all one’s life and find at the end that one has no more to offer by way of advice than ‘Try to be a little kinder.’ — Aldous Huxley

Real People, Real Change: Stories of a Change Warrior in the Business World has made it to India!

I’m thrilled to post another new friend and reader – Harpreet Rana! He is reading Real People, Real Change in front of the Maharaja Ranjit Singh War Museum in Ludhiana, Punjab India.

Welcome to our family of change warriors, Harpreet, and thank you for the support. I hope to see more pictures soon!

Readers: Let me know if you’re willing to snap a picture of yourself reading my book where you live. I will make you part of our mural – of change around the world!

By the way, this works within the United States as well. . . Let’s build a visual family of change warriors.

Not one football team in the history of the world has been given a Superbowl ring for NOT winning the Superbowl.

If you want to transform your team in 2012 and get different results, then you have to keep your eye on performance and be willing to make the tough decisions to get to your goal.

Here are five ways that leaders can dynamically lead change in this new year:

• Give more time to the top performers. The fastest way to accelerate results is to give time and energy to helping top performers. I see too many leaders who give all of their valuable coaching time to the needy, less effective performers who demand time but fail to provide results. Give your time to the performers that are giving you the results. They already have the acceleration and momentum to get you to goal, they just need some obstacles removed.
• Make sure stories match up with results.  I have worked with a lot of leaders who can tell AMAZING stories about their AWESOME teams that deliver INCREDIBLE results. But then I look at their results and I fail to find all of the AWESOMENESS. I talk to executives who are wowed by this dynamic leader, but are baffled by the lack of results. The awesome guy says that it’s a market issue or an economy issue or a budget issue. Don’t buy it. Look into the hype and make sure the stories sync up with the results.
• Inspire through constant communication. Notice that I say “inspire” instead of “inform.” Yes, information is necessary, but it’s how you deliver the information that determines how effectively it will be implemented. Tell your team why they need to do what they are being asked to do, how they can do it, how you are going to sponsor it, and when it needs to be implemented. Every great leader has daily or weekly huddles with their team to both inspire and inform.
• Spotlight the behaviors you want all leaders to show.  Save yourself a lot of lectures and one-on-one disciplinary meetings by showing and reinforcing the behaviors that you want. When a leader performers positively, recognize them verbally in a public forum. Let others know that this is the type of behavior that will be showcased and rewarded. If you have a problem with teams working together, set up a roving trophy for collaboration. Don’t reinforce negative behavior by providing it a lot of warmth from the spotlight. Instead, remove the light. Shine it on the deserving behaviors.
• Stop treating relationships as an afterthought. Every war fought involved a breakdown in relationship. That doesn’t mean you have to get along with everybody in every conversation, but it does mean that you must value the human side of every equation. You can rework the numbers and make new Powerpoint decks all day long — neither of those things will drive your initiatives. Plans don’t execute; people do.

 Those are my thoughts for creating change in 2012. What would you add?

Bonjour to my new friend, Emmanuelle, who is shown here (with my book) in Paris, France!

I have now mailed my book to India, China, Belgium, Canada, and France. I LOVE social networking . In fact, I would like to start posting pictures of my new change warrior friends reading my book in  place that is special to them. Whether you live in Paris, France, or North Carolina – I’d like to have your picture!

Many thanks to my new Change Warrior friend, Emmanuelle, who started the whole idea. She offered to read and review my book as well as have her picture taken with it in front of the Eiffel Tower.

Below is the book I am referencing. The stories within this book house my experiences as a change warrior. If you want to see some reviews of the book, simply go to http://www.amazon.com/Real-People-Change-Stories-Business/dp/098364960X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1325007401&sr=8-1. I’d love for you to add your own review on Amazon once you’ve read the book. If you’re wondering if the book is worth the read, below is a review from one Change Warrior reader named Andrea:

This book is wonderful! I read it cover to cover in one sitting. I thoroughly enjoyed the use of storytelling as a way to explain the concepts covered in the book. It kept the read interesting and engaging. The book helped me realize what I have done very well and not so well on my own journey of change. The experiences and phases in personal change are not so far removed from that which is business. I found the book to be relevant in both areas. I realized, that like Donna, I too need to keep in mind that my passion is in the climbing of the mountain… not reaching the top. In the end, I was re-energized and inspired.

I’d love for you to hold my book as you stand in front of something that lets us know where you are and what is important to you. I will post your picture, and we will slowly develop a mural of Change Warriors from around the world!!

Please send your picture by contacting me through this site, or send it directly to dhighfill@highfillperformancegroup.com.

I love a good, uplifting story. I call these “rooftop stories,” because they raise everyone up with their messages of hope and support. Leaders who use rooftop stories make the team they work with stronger and better by incorporating the heart of the team in their inspirational messages.

The opposite of rooftop stories are “cellar stories. ” These are the stories shared by unhealthy leaders who can slowly destroy the teams around them.

I recently read a story about a POW camp found during the Korean War that had the highest death rate. Investigators looked into the camp to determine what caused the high mortality.

Surprisingly, their investigation found that these POW’s were well fed, had decent cells and received little if any physical torture.

When interviewing the POW’s, however, they discovered the use of cellar stories. The Koreans would bring in POW’s and bribe them with cigarettes and other perks if they would turn on their military leaders. They used doubt creating questions such as:

• If your leader were really effective, why have you been captured? Do you think he/she really cares about you?
• Do you realize your leader has been giving us information about the U.S. military?
• Do you realize your colleagues have already given us information about you?

Soldiers would eventually become convinced that their leaders and fellow soldiers had turned on them. They lost trust in each other, and no longer believed that they had each others’ backs. The distrust created by cellar stories disconnected them from their friends. Some of them died while physically healthy, literally curling up in their cells and giving up.

Cellar stories are dangerous, and those people that use them strategically are destructive to teams and companies.  Cellar story tellers are:

• Charismatic – their ability to spin a good yarn captures the attention of their audience
• Consistent – they cannot get through one conversation without slamming a fellow colleague or leader
• Duplicitous – they gain the trust of one person only to talk negatively about them to another
• Divisive - they like to target one or two people at a time, separating them from others with damaging rumors

The sad thing about leaders who tell cellar stories is that they could use the talent for good and become the best of the rooftop story tellers. Instead, they stay focused on destruction without realizing that cellar stories are terrifying boomerangs, because eventually they turn on the teller.

A good friend of mine recently sent me this sign for my office:

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people.

Find your rooftop stories and share them. Remember that stories reflect the leader, so choose each word carefully, because all stories come back to the teller.