Stories don’t automatically capture the attention of an audience. Just ask Gary Busey on “Celebrity Apprentice.”

Last night the celebrities had to conduct a cooking demonstration in front of the executives of Omaha Steaks. Gary decided that telling a story to tie the steaks to an emotional moment might sell their presentation. His heart was in the right place.

Then he started his story about two young children wanting to surprise their father on Father’s Day. Good start. They fixed him a steak, and he was moved. Gary still held the audience. Then he talked about the father walking outside and seeing a kite being flown in the sky that read, “Omaha Steaks.”

At this point Gary knew his story wasn’t connecting, and he began to ramble.

The only thing more powerful than a good story is the power of a bad story. If you want to move the heart of your audience,  then ensure the following occurs:

• The story has to be relatable. People can relate to cooking for their father on  Father’s Day. However, two young kids flying a kite with the words “Omaha Steaks” makes the story ridiculous. I mean, have you ever tried to fly a kite?
• The story has to be sincere. Audiences know when you’re simply trying to pull their heart strings (that means you, Nicholas Sparks).  Just because your eyes fill with tears doesn’t mean theirs will, especially if your tears are insincere. If you aren’t moved, they won’t be moved.
• The subject of your story has to matter to you. I’ve seen a lot of storytellers take a subject they don’t really care about and try to make it live. Stories are like lie detectors – your body language is not going to propel the story in the telling. Your mouth may deliver the right words, but your eyes won’t shine with the truth behind them.

So, Gary Busey, you should have called me before that Omaha Steaks presentation. Or, you should have told a story about your father who loved steaks. Audiences aren’t stupid – they know when you care about your topic. People are more animated when they talk about something they really care about.

Make sure you use stories in the right way, at the right time, or like Gary’s kite, they won’t fly.

“Once you break through to feeling, though, things change.” - Switch – How to Change Things When Things Are Hard Chip & Dan Heath

I stood in front of a group of top investment sales people – all of them dreading the internal team training I was getting ready to introduce. Want a challenge? Try teaching investment salespeople (during the boom) the importance of listening to each other and speaking with commitment, especially when they’re missing out on a sales day! I saw the tops of a lot of heads as people checked cell phones for messages, and angry glares from the rest of the group.

The group had been going through a lot of change, including a new commitment to how they interacted with each other and internal bank partners. What I knew was that there are two ways to filter change  – through the mind and the heart.

In their book Switch – How to Change Things When Things Are Hard, Chip & Dan Heath use the example the Rider and the Elephant, This example was developed by UVA psychologist Jonathan Haidt in his book The Happiness Hypothesis. Haidt explains that the emotional side of change is the Elephant, while our rational side is the Rider. Perched atop the Elephant, the Rider often seems to be the leader that holds the reins – but the Rider’s hold is precarious because it’s so much smaller than the Elephant. Any time the Rider and Elephant come to blows about which direction to go, the Elephant wins. You’ll understand this every time you give up caffeine and finally buy that one Coke that starts the quitting process all over again!

Like everything in life, there is a needed balance between the Rider and the Elephant. For example, if you have a Rider and no Elephant, you have direction but no motivation. On the flipside, the Elephant without the Rider means you have passion without direction. In a recent blog on www.highfillperformancegroup.com, I discuss this very concept (watch the video Head – Heart = Confusion).

What I realized with my group of investment salespeople was that while they had been informed about what the change (Rider appeased), they didn’t believe it was the right thing to do (Elephant not happy). I realized that even if a Rider gets its way temporarily, exhaustion will soon set in after fighting the elephant for a while (if you have a toddler or a teenager, you should know exactly what I’m talking about).

So, I stopped the “information” I was delivering with my fascinating training objectives  and said something that changed the entire session. I said “Let me tell you a story . . .” I went on to share a story about a business that went under because they refused to acknowledge the importance of connecting emotionally and building relationships.

I then had volunteers share a time when they lost a client because of a botched conversation (rather than rates or product selection). Suddenly the room came alive, and I had more stories from them than I could handle. I wrapped up this Elephant part of the session by saying “Now, do you understand why this change is important to you?” They did, because they had just given me about ten examples with their own, personal stories.

If you’re trying to change a group and you get a lot of confused stares, they probably need information (Rider). If you get a lot of angry stares, they probably need some motivation (Elephant). Grab your peanuts and feed the Elephant, or the change is not going to stick and the Rider’s going to need a nice, long nap!

I attended a seminar once with several high-level leaders speaking on influence. They were to share how they achieved good sales results. I had my little notebook ready, my pen poised to jot down great thoughts, and my mental adrenaline charged and ready for inspiration.

After the first speaker spent ten minutes describing his change model, I found myself drawing a cartoon elephant on my notebook page (the cartoon my friend Victoria Rojas taught me to draw in sixth grade). After painfully enduring the thirty-page, fact-filled PowerPoint presentation of speaker two, my elephant was now basking in a nice sun and has some little ant friends. The third speaker was in dire need of some very strong coffee and seemed confused by his own statistics. Now my elephant was surrounded by grass, a tree, and some very nice flowers.

All was not lost, I did have this nice little picture for my refridgerator, and I learned several important lessons about influence:

1. Facts are boring, especially self-promoting facts.

Don’t: “I was asked to speak to you today about how I’ve had this great success. Well, let me first show you the analysis we used to get started” (Zzzzzzz. . . .)
Do: “I want to tell you a story about one of the employees that made our initiative work. Her name is Lindsay Woods, and she embodies everything that I believe was key in the successful roll-out of this initiative . . .”

2. Stories about people in the trenches add credibility and passion.

Don’t: “We spent months gathering the necessary data to determine what to do first. . .”
Do: “The story of our success begins with the people that made it work every single day. I wasn’t on the line, but I did talk to those who were and their stories are amazing . . .”

3. Stories rule, excessive data can cause you to drool.

Don’t “You can see on our chart that 20% of our customers felt valued by our company. This was a lower statistic than we were hoping for.”
Do: “We found that 80 out of 100 customers felt they weren’t valued by our company. One is a customer named Annabelle Smith. She’s 75 years-old, and told us that one day she needed help reaching a certain product. She said no one would make eye contact with her, and one gentleman walked right past her in the aisle without offering any help. She left our store without her groceries, because she didn’t feel like a truly valued customer. That’s why we decided to change.”

Bottom-line: If you want to move an audience you must connect with them first. Stories fill in the emotion behind the facts. Why do stories work? Because our lives are stories. We want to know that every person matters, because we want to know that we matter. Want to convince? You must first connect!